


Amber Eyes

by SammiWritesFanfiction



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Unrequited Love, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammiWritesFanfiction/pseuds/SammiWritesFanfiction
Summary: Sylvain isn't coping after Miklan's death; guilt eating away at him as he suffers from a migraine. But Felix is there; with a soft smile and warm amber eyes, to chase away the nightmares.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Kudos: 36





	Amber Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my head for ages and i just had to get it out. Hopefully now it's out of the way i can continue with my other fics without any distractions. (Unless i feel the need for a second chapter, which might happen.)

Everyone thought they knew Sylvain Jose Gautier so well. They thought they had him figured out.

A womanizer.

A shameless flirt.

Always looking for an excuse not to train, or study.

An all around good for nothing.

And most days, Sylvain would agree with them. He'd overhear rumors about himself, he'd overhear girls giggling as he passed them in the monastery corridors on the way to class. He knew most of them only ever winked at him or cheerfully greeted him when he passed only because they wanted the power that came with the crest he bore.

A crest Sylvain had only ever seen as a curse.

And really, he told himself most days, it was all a distraction. The flirting, the different girl on his arm each week. He was just trying to do what he was obligated to do; what his father expected him to do.

A role that should have fallen on Miklan's shoulders, not his.....

All Sylvain wanted to do was run away, to escape the obligations and the expectations. It go somewhere where having a crest didn't matter.

But most importantly; he wished to have the choice to love who he wanted too, because they loved him for him, not just his crest.

When it came down to it, Sylvain Jose Gautier was trapped, and he hated it.

* * *

Sylvain sighed, leaning against the cool brick wall outside of the Blue Lion classroom. His head throbbed with a migraine; one he knew wouldn't pass anytime soon. They served as a reminder, of Miklan, of the abuse he suffered at his hands all throughout his childhood. A reminder of the hate his brother had for him; all for something Sylvain had never been able to control.

He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking the harsh sunlight from view, clutching his head painfully as a roll of nausea gripped his head.

Memories of Miklan; of the time he left him to die at the bottom of a well, of the time he abandoned him in the forest – Sylvain had eaten berries and mushrooms for two days until he had made it home – flooded his mind.

He bit his lip as tears filled his eyes as he thought about his brother. His pathetic excuse of a brother, who should have watched over Sylvain; protecting him from harm, like all older brothers should. His brother, who had left him with nightmares and trauma that caused him to act out, to shamelessly flirt, to annoy others with his lackadaisical attitude.

His poor brother; whom Sylvain had killed himself.

He slid down the wall, cupping his knees with his arms as his head dropped, hiding his features from anyone who might pass him.

He could hear everyone leaving class now, hear the whispers of girls as they passed him without so much as an 'Are you okay?' He scoffed.

He didn't need their gossip; and he most certainly didn't need their pity.

* * *

“Sylvain?” Daring a glance up, he winced as the sun made his head swim again, his blurred vision unable to make out much more than the silhouette of the person stood in front of him.

“Felix? That you?” he would know that voice anywhere after all. The same voice that had been there for years.

The voice that belonged to the person who always found him, no matter where he was.

When Miklan had pushed him down that well, it had been Felix who had found him.

When he had stumbled out of the forest, dazed, confused and more than a little tired, Felix had been the first to hug him.

If Miklan represented the darkness that ate away at Sylvain, then he was sure that Felix was the light.

“Of course it is, who else would it be,” he heard the blur scoff, crossing their arms over their chest. “What are you doing on the floor?”

“Oh, you know,” Sylvain felt that sickeningly fake smirk tug at his lips once again. “Just slacking off between classes, you know...” He heard another tut, followed by the rustling of clothing. Before he could register what was happening, Felix was sat next to him on the ground. Sylvain groaned as another wave of pain flooded his senses, his eyes closing again.

“You know that fake attitude of yours has never worked on me, right,” Felix told him. “I mean, come on Sylvain, I've known you since we were kids. Hell, we were practically brothers. We've been through a lot together, haven't we?”

“Y-Yeah.... we have...” Sylvain knew he sounded defeated, but he found he didn't care.

Felix made it okay to be vulnerable.

“So tell me what's wrong, dummy,” Felix's voice held no anger, despite his words. Instead, Sylvain only heard concern, and perhaps love?

No, he told himself. He would not allow himself to think like that. It was too much to put on his navy haired friend; too much to put on himself if he had read the situation wrong.

He sighed. “It's just.... everything that's happened,” he admitted. “With Miklan, and the Lance of Ruin. I'm just tired and stressed, you know....”

“I do....” Felix whispered softly. “More than anyone I know what it's like to lose a brother.” Sylvain opened one eye, his vision blessedly less blurry this time so it allowed him to finally look at Felix properly.

His friend had his legs tucked up, much like Sylvain's were, his arms either side of his body. His face angled up, looking out at the sunny sky from their hiding place in the shade. Sylvain felt guilt prang in his heart again.

Glenn had been a good brother to Felix, protective, loving and a perfect role model. He knew Felix had looked up to him until the very last moment. Until Duscur had taken him away.

Miklan had been awful, abusive, controlling, hedonistic. He had made Sylvain's life a living hell up till the last moment. Even after he had run away and started a bandit group, Sylvain had felt the sting of his torment.

So what right did Sylvain have to mourn him now? To miss his brother, no matter how misguided he had been.

“I'm sorry Felix,” he grumbled. “I guess I don't have any right to complain. It's not like Miklan was the best brother in the world, huh...”

“Miklan was scum....” Felix bit out. Sylvain flinched at the harshness of his tone, yet he didn't disagree. “He was abusive, vindictive and bitter; and I'm glad he's dead!” Felix sighed. “But he was still your brother, no matter how much ill will he had for you. It's okay to at least feel something, now that he's dead.”

“That's the thing Felix,” Sylvain hid his face from the harsh light once more, biting back a groan and the urge to vomit. “I don't feel pity for him. He made the choices he did, all on his own. It's just.... I can't help but feel it should have been me. That I stole the life that was meant for him, you know?”

“That's stupid,” Felix tisked.

“Maybe..... But if it helps me feel even a little less guilty, then mission accomplished, I guess.”

“Sylvain.....” Felix sighed again, before placing a hand on Sylvain shoulder. His red headed friend lifted his head from it's hiding stop to look at him, a look of shock on his face. “You can't change how thing's went, how thing's ended. Miklan made his choice, you made yours.”

“I suppose....”

“I'm glad it's you,” Felix admitted softly; and if Sylvain were in his right mind right now he could have sworn his friend was blushing.

“Huh?”

“I'm glad, it's you.... whose my friend,” Felix clarified.

“That might be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me,” Sylvain chuckled despite the misery he felt.

“Yeah... well, I won't be saying it again, dummy, so make the most of it,” okay, now he was sure Felix was blushing. “Anyway, you look like shit.”

“Jeez, thanks.”

“I'm serious, Sylvain,” Felix frowned, bringing a hand to his forehead, flinching when Sylvain's skin scalded it. “Your burning up.”

“I-I'm fine...” Sylvain lied, avoiding the look Felix was giving him; one so full of worry it was almost alien on the sword-mans face. “Don't worry about me.” He attempted to stand, only for his vision to swim again. He bit down further bile, groaning loudly as he head throbbed. He settled back on the floor, defeated and unable to move. “I-I'll just stay here for a while, okay,” he mumbled pathetically. “You should go get some food before class resumes, yeah.”

He felt Felix moved beside him. Heard him tut indignantly. But he dared not look. He feared if he looked into those amber eyes he would fall even further than he already had.

“Syl....” the old nickname from when they were kids slipped out of Felix's mouth, causing Sylvain to stiffen. “Sylvain... please, look at me.....” Sylvain sighs, opening one eye cautiously.

He gasps at the sight in front of him.

Felix is bent down in front of him, his eyes wide with concern, warm amber iris' shining with unshed tears.

Sylvain hadn't seen that look on his friends face in years.

Not since the well, or the forest.....Or when Felix had stood numb and in the cold courtyard of the Fraldarius estate, not coming inside for anyone except Sylvain the day that Glenn had died.

“Fe....” Sylvain gripped his head as the migraine throbbed again.

“I'm... worried about you,” Felix told him. “Let me help you, okay.” He held a hand out to his friend; one Sylvain gladly took, helping the taller man gingerly to his feet. Sylvain staggered instantly, Felix allowing him to sag on his shoulder, an arm coming around his waist, holding on to him tightly. Ignoring the blush on his cheeks at their proximity, Felix began to walk him towards the dorm rooms. “Let's get you to bed.” He told Sylvain, who chuckled.

“Never thought I'd here those words from your mouth, Felix.,” he mumbled, keeping one eye shut to dull the pain.

“You know, I could have just left you there,” Felix retorted through gritted teeth. They passed through the reception hall, avoiding the bigger crowds of students; although Felix noticed a group of girls huddled together, whispering and pointing towards them in a less than subtle way. He rolled his eyes and continued on.

“I know,” Sylvain sighs. “Thank you, Fe...” He closes his eyes once more, trusting Felix to guide him safely. However in doing so he misses the tell tale crimson blush now creeping further up Felix face and neck.

* * *

Before long they reach Sylvain's room at the end of the corridor. Holding him steady, Felix relinquishes hold on the arm draped over his shoulder so he can open the door, all but dragging Sylvain inside. He grunts as he places Sylvain on the bed, stripping his boots off before helping him to lay down. Sylvain grunts again, his arm covering his eyes as Felix covers him with the thin blankets on his bed.

Standing straight again, Felix sighs. “You should get some rest,” he tells the mop of red hair currently visible; Sylvain had pulled the blanket over his face immediately. “I can come back later to see how you're doing.” He makes to leave, only for Sylvain to grab his wrist, holding it with surprising force.

“Fe?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you....” Sylvain's eyes appear over the covers, a richer, browner amber than his own. His eyebrows are knitted together in a frown, and Felix gulps, turning his gaze away. Sylvain looked so young, so unsure in that moment; it reminds Felix of the time he had found him at the bottom of the well after Miklan had thrown him down there to die... Felix's hands clench into a fists at the memories. “Do you think I could have done more.... to save Miklan, I mean?” Sylvain mumbles the words so softly, Felix is sure he's misheard him. But a glance back to Sylvain tells him he's awaiting a reply.

“Honestly,” Felix replies gently. “I really don't know, Sylvain. But what I do know is that there's really no use dwelling on it.” He sees Sylvain frown harder, clearly not satisfied with Felix's answer. Felix sighs, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “Look, Sylvain. I told you before, and I'll tell you again. Miklan was scum. Even when we were kids I could tell there was no redeeming qualities about him. He _hurt_ you, every single day, without fail.” Felix crossed his arms over his chest. “There was nothing anyone could have done to save him! He never deserved a brother as kind or as forgiving as you, and he most certainly doesn't deserve your pity or guilt now!”

Sylvain gulps and nods, watching Felix, his eyes glassy with tears he hopes he doesn't shed. He know's Felix is right, he knows that. But he can't help the doubt that still claws at him despite Felix's harsh words. But he appreciates what Felix says, knows he can rely on him to speak the truth no matter how much it hurts.

It'll take time, he knows that, but perhaps one day he will be able to look at Miklan's death and not feel such guilt; to not have nightmares plague him every night as they had done all week since it had happened.

“Look, Sylvain,” Felix's voice is softer now. “You need to rest. You're stressed and ill and if your not careful, you're going to collapse. And I – none of us, want that.” He walks to the door, placing a hand on the handle. “I'll be back later,” he reminds him, opening the door and leaving the room, shooting Sylvain one last concerned glance as he goes.

* * *

Sylvain sigh, closing his eyes an willing himself to try to sleep.

Instead of thinking about his brother; a poor fool of a man who had died as he had lived, full of vengeance and fury, he thinks of Felix.

Felix, who was more like family to him growing up.

Felix, who smiles for him and him alone.

Felix, whose amber eyes are warm and always glad to see him.

Felix, who he is hopelessly and irretrievably in love with.

He groans, pulling the covers back over his warm face, biting his lip as he lets the revelation he has long since buried, burst free.

Everyone thought they had him figured out, but the truth of it was even he didn't have himself figured out. He was living a lie every time he threw a flirty smile at the nearest woman who glanced his way. He was living a lie when sweet endearments left his lips to women who he knew would never love him.

He chuckles sadly.

Perhaps Miklan wasn't the biggest fool after all.

Perhaps it was Sylvain, who was too big of a coward to tell his best friend in the whole world that he loved him; that he had always loved him, ever since he had seen Felix's face looking down on him from that cursed well, who was the fool.

He feels sleep wash over him as he rolls over, clinging to the pillow under his head.

Maybe, one day, he'd have the courage to tell Felix how he felt.

But until then, he'd allow his dreams to be filled with navy hair and secret smiled. Of rare laughter and even harsh words meant only because he cared.

Of amber eyes, so warm and inviting, that he hoped one day he would wake up to every morning.

When he does sleep, Sylvain finds the nightmares are gone, if only for that one night.


End file.
